I saw this night going differently.
Our Christmas tree decoration night is usually a time of high volume Christmas music on the stereo, and laughing and reminiscing over the history of each ornament we put on the tree.
Tonight, it all came crashing down.
I appear to have a knack for setting up live Christmas trees that fall over.
Tonight, what I thought was the end of a lovely evening of tree decorating bliss, ended in an angry, F-bomb filled night of horror, followed by tears from my daughter and “are you kidding me” looks from my very disappointed wife.
And it was because I didn’t set the damn tree up right.
It was also because of how poorly I reacted.
Yelling at Lisa and dropping an F-bomb when I saw the shattered remnants of a precious ornament we bought at our post Thanksgiving Day parade trip to Macy’s was without a doubt one of my darkest moments.
I am better than that.
Or at least the 8 million hours of Joel Osteen CDs I listen to in my car would suggest I should be.
But I was at my worst.
The best I can do is keep saying I’m sorry, and react more calmly.
I hit a breaking point when that tree fell over.
There is no excuse for it.
It doesn’t matter what stressors are going on in my life.
Lisa and Elliana deserve a lot better than me displaying that kind of behavior.
So I’ve cleaned up the debris, am still drying the tree water from the carpet, and have secured the tree with eyehooks and wire to avoid a repeat performance of tonight’s fall.
And I’m cleaning my mouth, and mind, so I don’t break my girls hearts again by letting myself react badly to hitting my own breaking point.